Mel's story
When Mel’s daughter began facing challenges at nursery, staff gently asked if she knew anything about autism. “I didn’t at the time,” Mel recalls. The nursery provided details for the charity ADD-vance, and Mel signed up for a six-week parent course – a decision that turned out to be life-changing.
“First of all, it gave me access to other people who were experiencing similar challenges,” says Mel. “That was the first time I really felt that it wasn’t my fault—it wasn’t something I was or wasn’t doing. Just to be in a room full of people who truly understood was hugely reassuring and empowering.”
For Mel, the course provided clarity after years of searching: “They say no child is born with a manual, but it felt like someone had finally given me a rulebook to understand what my daughter was thinking and how to respond. For the first time in three or four years, I understood her in a way I never had before.”
As support from ADD-vance helped life improve for her whole family, Mel felt deeply grateful. Once her daughter was happily settled at school, Mel knew she wanted to support other families walking the same path. She began volunteering, retrained as a parent group facilitator, and remained heavily involved with the charity for over 15 years.
Recognising that not all parents could commit to a six-week course due to work or childcare, Mel helped break down key information into bite-sized workshops, which she helped transition online during COVID-19 to widen access. She also trained as a coach working directly with families on a one-to-one basis, with a special focus on how autism and ADHD present in girls.
When reflecting on her years with ADD-vance, Mel talks about how the difference she would see in parents/carers as the support went on. “The difference between the parents walking in on Week 1 and leaving on Week 6 was incredible. In such a short space of time, people gained hope, felt empowered, and looked more relaxed and in control. The bond with their children and partners grew hugely stronger. It was such a privilege seeing that impact.”
The community also brought Mel lifelong connections: “The parents and colleagues I met along the way are among my closest friends and allies – real friends for life.” Even today, Mel is regularly stopped in the street by parents she helped years ago: “They say, ‘All those words you told me are still in my mind every day, and it made all the difference.”
It has been 20 years since Mel attended her first course. Today, her daughter is thriving at university, open about her diagnosis, and surrounded by accepting friends. Looking to the next 30 years, Mel hopes society continues moving toward full inclusion. “In an ideal world, everyone would understand so much more about neurodiversity, so autistic and ADHD people wouldn’t feel in the minority, their needs would be supported, and charities like ADD-vance wouldn’t need to exist. We’ve come a long way in 30 years – let’s hope we can get there in the next 30.”
For any parent facing similar challenges, Mel offers simple advice:“Don’t hesitate to contact ADD-vance. Call the helpline, ask a question on the Facebook group, or write an email – immediately, you will feel like you’re not alone. Your children are lucky to have you, and reaching out makes all the difference.”
Together, we can make sure no family in Hertfordshire is left without support
Stories like Mel’s are why we do what we do. Mel’s experience shows how our support can equip parents and carers to manage daily challenges and ultimately, contribute back to the charity.
Please consider making a donation today to help us reach more families and ensure every neurodivergent child and young person has the opportunity to thrive.
Thank you for your support.
